What follows is the eulogy I presented for my mother, Tillie Getman Gertner at her funeral on Tuesday, February 15. It felt good to write it.
Teddi.That's what everyone called her. Most people didn't know her real name was Tillie. Still, Teddi seemed to fit her well.
She lived to be 93-years-old, the last few with some form of dementia. Sometimes it wasn't clear whether she was able to recognize me or my wonderful, caring brother, Marvin or recall the details of our families.
But despite the heavy fog of dementia, the real "Teddi" was always there. Her default mode was smiling, pleasant, grateful and kind. She never lost that kindness of spirit, even when she no longer recognized her surroundings.
I knew her for 64 years. She was 29 living in a triple-decker on Howland Street in Roxbury when I came along. The bottom apartment was occupied by her mother and father. The top floor was occupied by her younger brother Mike and his family. She was able to stay in close proximity to her sister and two brothers for much of her life. As a result, Marvin and I am blessed with very pleasant memories of all kinds of family events.
Here are a few snapshots from our 64 years together:
In 2003, at age 85, my mother had bypass surgery at Mass General Hospital. Marvin and I were taking turns staying with her. At one point some attendants came to wheel her down for some kind of procedure or test. I walked with them as they wheeled her to the elevator and said "Good luck, Ma." She looked at me and said, "Thanks. I'll let you know if it's a boy or a girl."
During that same hospital stay, it became necessary to insert a pacemaker. Again, I was with her in her room after the procedure. She was still groggy when I said, "Gee, Ma, you've got all this new equipment: a pacemaker, new valves and stents and whatnot. You're practically bionic." She looked over at me a little annoyed and said, "Won't do me a damn bit of good if I get hit by a bus!"
Teddi was not any kind of a great cook. In my opinion she had two masterpieces. One was an apricot chicken dish which still makes my mouth water; the other was a dessert consisting of layers of chocolate and vanilla pudding separated by layers of graham crackers. Those two were keepers. The rest of it not so much, especially Cream of Wheat.
When JFK was assassinated, I remember my mother sitting glued to our tiny black and white television set in the den of our Esmond Street apartment. I can still see her jumping out of her seat yelling "Oh my God, oh my God," over and over again when Jack Ruby killed Oswald on live television. She wasn't a great student of politics or foreign affairs; nevertheless, she worked the polls down in Lake Worth, Florida for many years. She would always complain about how clueless some of the senior citizens were, without considering herself one of them. When Al Gore lost that contested election and journalists were pointing to possible irregularities down in Palm Beach County, Marvin and I just looked at each other knowingly and nodded, "Ma."
Thanks to Marvin's diligence and legwork, Ma was able to move from Florida to the Woodbridge Assisted Living Center in Peabody in 2000. Her second husband Leo had died and it was becoming difficult for her to be alone. She lived very happily at Woodbridge for about ten years, until her dementia became too worrisome and she was able to transition to the JRC nursing home in Swampscott. Again it was Marvin's persistence and hard work that allowed that to happen. Whenever I visited her in the assisted living center, I could never find her in her room. She was usually in a group setting, enjoying the company of the other residents or, more often, playing cards with her friend. That used to surprise me a bit because whenever these two connivers played cards, there was money spread out in front of them; however, when I asked my mother what she was playing, she would claim that she didn't have any idea but that it was fun. I think that same amount of change would simply make its way from one woman to the other and back again, a zero sum game for sure.
There was certainly nothing funny about her dementia; however there was one incident that has always caused anyone in our family to chuckle a bit. We call it “The Great Teddi Thanksgiving Kidnapping”...For a number of years Ada and I held Thanksgiving at our New Hampshire condo. Marvin would typically pick up Teddi at Woodbridge around noontime and he, Sharon and the rest of the family would show up around 2:00. This one time Marvin had phoned Teddi to tell her that he would be there around noon and that she should wait for him downstairs in the Woodbridge lobby. When Marvin arrived, there was no sign of Teddi. She wasn't in her room, in the tv room, anywhere to be found. A little panicky, Marvin inquired at the desk. The conversation went something like this:
“Excuse me, but have you seen Teddi Gertner?”
“Yes, she just left.”
“Just left for where?”
“She's having Thanksgiving in Medford with the Rudermans.”
“That's lovely, but I'm her son and she was supposed to be having Thanksgiving with her actual family in New Hampshire.”
“Oh.”
When Marvin called the Rudermans, he found out what had happened. Teddi was waiting downstairs as instructed. When the Rudermans asked her what she was doing for Thanksgiving, she said, a little sadly, “Nothing.”
Rather than see poor sweet Teddi be lonely on Thanksgiving, the Rudermans graciously insisted that she join their family celebration. She was only too happy to oblige.
I'm only happy that I wasn't in the car with Marvin as he snaked his way through Medford looking for the Rudermans' home so that he could bring Teddi to her second Thanksgiving that day.
Of course there are hundreds of other stories, many of which will be told and re-told over the next few days.
So how do we offer a summary of Teddi's life? There are a lot of things that Teddi wasn't: she wasn't a woman of letters or a woman of science. She held no lofty position in business, unless selling knockoff watches and pocketbooks at Florida flea markets counts as such. For most of her life she owned no property.
What Teddi was serves as undeniable proof that every now and again God creates a flat out good person, unpretentious, with an eager smile and a tremendous sense of humor. Teddi added a ray of sunshine to her surroundings everywhere she went. She will be missed and loved by every single person who ever knew her.
All of us should be eager to leave such a legacy.
Ain't life grand?
J
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