That's how I refer to them. Always with the 'n instead of the word "and," kind of like Chip 'n Dale.
They are my grandchildren and you'd better prepare yourself for what I have to say next:
They are the two greatest grandchildren in the world.
This means that my grandchildren are better than your grandchildren. And I don't just mean a little better. They are vastly better in every measurable way.
The sooner you come to grips with this, the easier it will be for all of us.
Of course I'm sure your grandchildren are fine "in their own way." I mean if I didn't know of the existence of Sam 'n Sara, and I bumped into your grandchildren at a Walmart or Dunkin' Donuts, I'm sure I'd be thinking, "Gee, those grandchildren are just about cute and pretty darn close to better than average."
Please don't blame Sam 'n Sara for any of this. They can't help it. First of all, they are twins and we all know that twins are by definition awesome. They're even better than triplets who, in my opinion, have a tendency toward slovenliness. Second of all, they seem to be very fond of me. I doubt that your grandchildren feel any kind of strong emotion toward me, a fact which has always bothered me. Sam 'n Sara seem to recognize the depth and power of my love for them while your brood just doesn't get it.
Again, please don't shoot the messenger, okay?
I'm not going to list all of the reasons why Sam 'n Sara are officially the two greatest grandchildren in the world. That would be considered boastful. But here are some of the more important factors. After reading this, I'm sure you'll agree, albeit reluctantly, that my grandchildren deserve their place at the top of the grandchildren heap.
If it's any consolation, there is a huge tie for second place.
At a restaurant, Sam will look directly at the waiter or waitress and confidently tell her that he wants a Sprite. He'll even add the word "Please." I mean, people, are you beginning to see what I'm talking about here?
Sara, thanks to her beloved Nana's tutelage, can knit and does knit. This means that while your grandchildren are playing video games or texting each other, my beautiful granddaughter is knitting. Now, admittedly, Ada never got the chance to teach Sara any of the finer points of knitting, so the only garment Sara is able to knit is one incredibly long scarf. However, I'm sure some day Sara will be able to figure out how to end this scarf, which currently extends from her home in Weymouth to lovely Newport, RI, and possibly start a new one.
Sam will watch the movie "Cars" anytime, anywhere. Just think of the dedication that takes. He knows exactly when the good stuff is coming and he is willing to sit through the boring stuff to get to it. Do you have any idea what kind of perseverance that requires? The same is true for all three "Toy Stories" and "Despicable Me." Anytime. Anywhere.
Sara can sing anything. I once taught her "One Note Samba" using fake Portuguese words and she parroted it back like a real fake Portuguese person. The other day I mentioned that I liked the song featured in a new Heineken commercial and Sara began singing it in the exact same style as the singer in the commercial. I bet your grandkids change the station when the beer commercials come on. That's what I'm talkin' about!
OK, all kidding aside, I hope all of you either already have or will soon experience grandparenthood, or great-unclehood, or great-aunthood, or any kind of relationship with children that allows you to love them freely without too much of the day-to-day disciplining that their parents have to do. I hope you get to watch in amazement as a child starts to figure out how the world works, what's fair and unfair about it all, and how he or she can make things better for one person or all people. I hope you get a chance to talk to a child over the phone and say something goofy which makes him or her laugh at your silliness. I hope you get to watch the day to day drama of schoolyard friendships, knowing full well that today's crisis will soon be forgotten as it is replaced by tomorrow's dilemma. Most of all, I hope you get to see a child act in a selfless, compassionate way to another child, thereby guaranteeing the possibility that GOODNESS will get to thrive for at least another generation.
These and many other gifts too numerous to mention are what Sam 'n Sara have bestowed upon me.
Which is why I can't help but proclaim...
Ain't life grand?
J
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