Joel Getman is an Excellent Golfer: January 2013

You heard me. Heck, I'll say it again: Joel Getman is an excellent golfer.

Deal with it.

For the past 65 years, I have been very reluctant to boast or gloat about any of my athletic achievements. From my Boston Latin School background I understood the concept of Hubris all too well. The gods did not look favorably upon those who boasted of their various victories or accomplishments. Suck on that, Odysseus.

I got the message loud and clear at an early age. You would never hear me brag about the fact that my pick up basketball team won a particular game at the YMHA-Hecht House. First of all, the sad fact was that if I were on the team it was highly unlikely that that team would win. But even if we did win, I would accept that victory with complete humility, helping the losing team members in their grief and consoling them with the thought that we were obviously very lucky to have won.

During our touch football games on Esmond Street, ("Head for the Buick and then cut to the left.") I never performed one of those ridiculous touchdown dances. I saw no honor in humiliating my opponent. Also, I was not then and am not now what one would call graceful. Instead I would accept the congratulations of my teammates and console the opponents with the thought that if I could score a touchdown, there was hope for everyone.

Readers of these lame thoughts know that I spent most of my adult life playing and competing in tennis. I got to be pretty good at the game and won much more often than I lost. But again, I made it a point of personal honor not to gloat or boast about any tennis victory. I was quite aware of the cosmic importance of the match I had just played: there was absolutely NO importance to it. The world would go on, the sun would rise the next day whether I won or lost. Instead of saying, "I'm a better tennis player than you are and I'm going to make sure everyone knows about it," I would say something like, "I have no idea how I was able to win our match. You are a much better player than I am. Fortune smiled on me today."

Well, guess what, Zeus...you can take all that Hubris crap and make a big ol' suck sandwich out of it.

Because for the third day in a row I have broken 80 on my challenging golf course. Not only that but today I shot a two-over-par 74, my lowest round of golf ever, anywhere.

I'm done with humility. Hey Poseidon, wanna play a nassau? I'll give you two strokes a side, ya waterlogged bastard!

How about you, Ares? I mean you're supposed to be so tough and all. I'll only use four clubs. You can pick them. Loser buys the beer. Waddaya say? Hah, just as I thought. A lot of sound and fury signifying nothing.

And you, Athena? You think you're so wise and so ALL THAT! You want a piece of me? I'll play in a toga. I'll play right-handed. I'll give you a stroke a hole.

Guess what, people. I've made HUBRIS my b-tch! I own HUBRIS now. As a good friend of mine always says, I'm taking HUBRIS, putting it in a balloon and watching it float away.

Joel Getman is an excellent golfer and you are all just going to have to adapt.

Gotta run now. The Santa Rosa Golf Club wants to make an instructional video using my swing. Normally I would have begged off claiming that I'm not worthy. But, hey, it's 2013...THE YEAR OF THE JOEL!

Ain't life grand?
J