Good evening ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages.We are proud to present the presidential debate they didn't want you to see. In this debate Joel Getman, the exciting candidate of the Fairways and Greens party, will be debating himself, Joel Getman, the exciting candidate of the Fairways and Greens party. Joel is known for having excellent complexion. He's been described by the Quincy Patriot Ledger as "better than he used to be" and by the Northwest Florida Daily News as "someone we'd rather didn't live here." The moderator will be Joel Getman, a friend of both candidates. The focus of this debate will be twofold: current dental practices and states that begin with the letter M.
Moderator: Mr. Getman, in your opinion why is Maryland better than Michigan?
Getman: Crabs.
Moderator: Would you care to elaborate?
Getman: Boiled.
Moderator: I see. Do you have anything to add, Mr. Getman?
Getman: I have seen crabs. I have worked with crabs. I knew crabs. And you, sir, are no crab.
Moderator: Forgive me, but that makes no sense.
Getman: What's your point?
Getman: There you go again.
Moderator: Please, gentlemen, let's get to the next question. How do you feel about being told you need a deep cleaning for about $800 when you only came in to the dental office to get a free toothbrush.
Getman: Now THAT's Obama's fault. It's that damn liberal, big government, pro-union, godless, let's all get an abortion attitude that's ruined dental practice forever.
Moderator: Forgive me, but that makes no sense.
Getman: What's your point?
Getman: I have to agree with the moderator guy.
Moderator: OK, I have no idea what's happening here, but I'm going to ask another question. Mr. Getman, between Montana and Minnesota which one looks more like a halibut?
Getman: Halibut is a funny word. Say it. Halibut. Funny.
Getman: There you go again. I am paying for this microphone, Mr. Greene.
Moderator: Who the hell is Mr. Greene, and why would you pay for the microphone? They're included in the debate kit. Along with a set of pre-arranged answers that have little or nothing to do with my questions. Now, where were we? Oh yes, how do you feel about flossing?
Getman: Read my lips: No new dentures!
Getman: There you go again. You know, if I get the chance to lead this great country, the first thing I'm going to do is shut down three states: Massachusetts, ummmm Maryland, and uhhhh, what was the third one?
Getman: Oops.
Moderator: Alright, why don't we wrap this up with some closing statements. We'll start with you, Mr.Getman.
Getman: If I could compare my opponent to a rhesus monkey, and I believe I can...
Getman: Hey, we said we'd leave family members out of this.
Moderator: Ladies and gentlemen, I think it's safe to say that this was a bad idea all around. I urge you all to vote for one of those other guys and leave Getman in the footnote category of history, along with Stockdale ("Why am I here?") and Palin ( "You betcha.")
Good night and God help the United States of America.
Ain't democracy grand?
J
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